The farewell tour (that nobody asked for) continues.
When I look back at my college career, it sometimes feels like my ambition has dramatically declined since I was a freshman. But then I look a little closer, and I realize that my worldview was just wildly miscalibrated. I don’t talk about my career nearly as much as I used to, but I think there’s a method to my madness.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be something. When I started college, I originally wanted to study directing. Not because I had any particular passion for it, but because I wanted to be a director. I wanted a job that is seen as creative. A job with a cool name that commanded respect. A job that provided status because you’re in charge of everyone else.
I quickly learned that I don’t like directing, but the pattern continued. I switched to writing and showrunning, because I still wanted that creative status and ﬁgured I was decent at arranging words. At every step of the way I was trying to plan my life based on the money, fame, recognition, and validation I thought I could squeeze out of it. I started at the very end, then worked backwards. I desperately wanted to be recognized as being great at something, so I convinced myself to pretend I was passionate about everything I thought I could be great at. Fortunately, I learned to stop.
So the next lesson of my Daily Fuel years is that you can’t plan your life around rewards. Being passionate about the trophy at the ﬁnish line is not the same as loving the race. I kept trying to pick jobs based on how they’d make me look when I succeeded at them. And it just doesn’t work that way. I have no idea what I’ll end up doing with my life when this is all said and done, but I know I’ll base my decision on process instead of results.
Figuring It Out